


name one hero who was happy (you can't)

by Itscalledthedistrict



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Episode Tag: s05e12 Safe House, Introspection, M/M, Protectiveness, The Iliad References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:48:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22608049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itscalledthedistrict/pseuds/Itscalledthedistrict
Summary: Kevin didn't want to be the Patroclus to Raymond's Achilles
Relationships: Kevin Cozner/Ray Holt
Comments: 6
Kudos: 89





	name one hero who was happy (you can't)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay the title is from _The Song of Achilles_ by Madeline Miller but I promise this has references to the actual Iliad haha. Enjoy!

_ Kevin didn’t look up from his book as the front door opened. Cheddar jumped from his seat and ran to see who was at the door. He listened as Raymond greeted their puppy, a new addition to Raymond’s quotidian routine.  _

_ “You’re home late this evening,” Kevin remarked as he continued skimming through the pages.  _

_ “I had a meeting that ran late; I apologise for my tardiness.” Raymond responded from the other room.  _

_ “Oh? Anything interesting?”  _

_ Raymond was quiet for a moment. “No, nothing too out of the ordinary.”  _

_ Kevin knew not to prod. That didn’t mean he liked how easily the lie slipped through his husband’s lips. _

* * *

It doesn’t come as a shock when Raymond says his life is in danger. 

They’ve talked about this scenario before. Raymond has been very clear about how the NYPD would handle such a circumstance. Raymond has taught him how to defend himself when necessary. Kevin has been with Raymond for over thirty years; this is not the first time his life has been threatened. 

* * *

_ His husband later joined him on the sofa. Kevin didn’t say anything as Raymond put an arm on the back of the couch and leans against his side. He moved his book slightly so Raymond can read as well.  _

_ “What part are you at?” Raymond asked. _

_ Kevin let out a quiet laugh. “I’m sure you know.”  _

_ “Perhaps, but tell me anyways.”  _

_ Kevin rolled his eyes, but humoured his husband (his  _ **_husband._ ** _ They both wore the title like a new honour. They didn’t get it easily, but now… now they have it forever. It’s something no one can take away from them.)“Book 23,” he responded.  _

_ “Ah, so the book where Achilles is mourning Patroclus.”  _

_ “Yes, I have assigned my students a report on the Iliad. I figured I would re-read it before they turned the papers in.”  _

_ Raymond sighed and shifted closer to Kevin. “Would you read it to me?” _

* * *

Kevin has thought about this scenario more often than he’d like to admit. If anything, he is surprised this is his first time being placed in protective services. Raymond is a damn good cop- it would be naive to think he didn’t have dangerous enemies. It would be foolish to think they wouldn’t want some type of revenge. It would be inane to wish Raymond’s job wasn’t hunting New York’s most dangerous persons. 

* * *

_ Martin pursed his lips and looked down at his drink. Kevin sighed. “If you have something to say, say it.”  _

_ “I don’t, really.” Martin swirled his drink, letting the ice hit the side of the glass. “I’m surprised. The other men you’ve dated have been…”  _

_ “Stuck up?” Kevin asked, repeating words Martin previously used to describe his former boyfriends. “Arrogant? Rude?”  _

_ “ _ _Scholars,_ _ Kevin, or accountants. The lawyer was nice.” Martin shrugged and looked back up. “I’m just a little surprised you chose to date a  _ **_cop_ ** _.”  _

_ “Raymond is…” Kevin thought for a moment, but could not think of a word to describe his new partner. “Raymond is different,” he settled on.  _

_ Martin smiled and picked up his drink. “He must be pretty special; he made you take a risk.” _

* * *

Raymond is unlike anyone he has ever met. He still wakes up sometimes and wonders what he did to deserve this: to love and be loved by a  _ man  _ who is everything Kevin aspires to be. There is no one funnier (nor more intelligent, nor more handsome, nor braver, nor-) than Raymond Holt-

* * *

_ "So it’s true? You’re dating a cop?”  _

_ Kevin frowned at his friend. “I don’t understand why everyone is acting like that. Raymond is great- his career is not the only thing that defines him.”  _

_ “Sure, it’s not the only thing, but it says a lot about a person.” Kate ran a hand through her short hair, a clear indication she was uncomfortable. “You know what it means when someone becomes a cop; I don’t wanna see you get hurt, Kev.”  _

_ “I’ve been dating Raymond long enough to see what prejudice he has to live with, Katelyn.” Kevin retaliated.  _

_ She grimaced at the sound of her full name before shaking her head. “You know that’s not what I’m talking about.” _

* * *

-But, as he decided years ago, his love for Raymond does  **not** equate to a love for his occupation. He does  **not** love that Raymond puts his life on the line every work day. He does  **not** love when Raymond leaves at odd hours to respond to emergencies. He does  **not** love the injustice Raymond has endured throughout his long career. He does  **not** love the assignments that take Raymond from home for long periods of time. He  **does not** love the fact his husband runs  _ into  _ danger. 

And, sure, Kevin doesn’t like being stuck in a house alone with Jacob Peralta. What’s worse is Raymond is  **out there** ,  **unprotected and in the same amount of danger he is.**

* * *

_ Kevin looked at his husband for the first time that night. “You know this passage by heart, why do you want me to read it out loud?”  _

_ Raymond smiled softly. “Perhaps I like listening to your voice.”  _

_ Kevin briefly thought about the bad day Raymond must have had. He didn’t say anything more, instead turning back to his book and fulfilling Raymond’s request. “‘By Zeus on high, there will not be any washing of my head until I have laid Patroclus on the fire, and heaped his barrow, and shorn my hair, for never will I grieve like this again, while I am among the living…’” _

* * *

It is no surprise to anyone how protective he and Raymond are of each other. Kevin has seen first hand how the NYPD has treated Raymond over the years. Raymond held his hand under the table as his mother introduced another “nice” and “honest” woman. Logically, Kevin knows Raymond only means well with his inordinate safety procedures. He is trying to ensure there is no possible way Kevin could get hurt. Part of him loves his husband for that, the other will go mad if he has to watch  _ another  _ Nicholas Cage movie.

* * *

_ “‘Patroclus’s sad spirit came, with his same form and his with his beautiful eyes and his voice and wearing the same clothes.’” Kevin pretended not to notice how Raymond could barely keep his eyes open. “‘He stood above Achilles’ head, and said to him: You’re asleep and have forgotten me, Achilles you never neglected me when I was alive, but now, when I am dead!’” _

* * *

At this point, all Kevin wants is to go home. He wants to take Cheddar on a walk. He wants to sit on the sofa and read. He wants to sit on the bed and watch something that  _ doesn’t  _ feature Nicholas Cage. 

He wants to see his husband without the creases in his brow. He wants Raymond to say something other than a safety procedure. He wants to be with his husband without being watched. He wants… 

* * *

_ “‘Peleus took me into his house then and reared me with kindness, and he named me your comrade. So let one coffer enfold the bones of us both, the two handled gold one your mother gave you-’,” Kevin stopped as Raymond’s head dipped forward. “Are you falling asleep on me? he asked, already knowing the answer.  _

_ Raymond suppressed a yawn. “I would never. Please, continue.” _

_ Kevin cocked an eyebrow and observed his husband for a moment more. “I think we should retire for the night, my dear.”  _

_ Raymond did not argue. Kevin shut his book and placed it on the shelf. He turned out the light and followed his husband to their room. _

* * *

Kevin dug through a box of his things left by Raymond. At the bottom of the box, a worn book caught Kevin’s attention. He gently pulled it out and smiled to himself. 

“What’s that?” Jake asks. 

Kevin jumps slightly, for a moment forgetting where he was. “This is the Iliad. I re-read it around this time each year so I am able to fairly grade my students’ papers.” 

“Can I see it?” Jake asked. After Kevin passed him the book, Jake flipped to the page with his bookmark.

“And Achilles answered him, saying,’ Jake read aloud, ‘‘Why have you come to me, dear heart, with all these instructions? I promise you I will do everything you ask’. Wow, that’s romantic.” 

_ ‘But come closer. Let us give into grief, however briefly, in each other’s arms.’  _ Kevin thought, finishing the paragraph. 

Kevin wants Raymond to have the career he’s always wanted. He just wished it didn’t come at the cost of their safety. 

He wished there was no possibility of him ever becoming the Patroclus to Raymond’s Achilles.


End file.
